Schrodinger: (Writing with a quill pen just for effect….).

“It is now Day 457 of my eternal captivity……”Hoomun: Cat, stop being such a drama queen, it’s day 4.

Schrodinger: “AS I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted! It is now day 457 of my eternal captivity….”

Hoomun: And besides, it’s not eternal. It’s until you and your furry backside learn to use the litter tray on a consistent basis!

Schrodinger: “DO you MIND?!” Sigh. “Day 457 of my eternal captivity and tonight my brother sat with me in a protest of solidarity. Sadly, he also got bored after five minutes but we won’t go there.

Tonight, I came up with a cunning plan: Once I had been locked into The Cage and the lights turned off, I would scrabble around in my litter tray for a moment to make Hoomum *think* I was using it, and then HEAVE HO! I would turn it upside down so the contents cascaded across my cushion and there was no possible way I could use it.

That will *definitely* show her and she’ll *absolutely* come running.”

Stage Directions: Cat sits in the remains of his litter tray waiting expectantly. Hoomun remains in bed and ignores him. Five hours pass. Cat now, rather urgently, needs to use the litter tray. Cat looks at contents of litter tray spread across his cushion. Bugger.

Schrodinger: “HHHOOOOOOOOMMMMMMUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM!!!!!! I NEED A WEEEEEEEEEEE! HHHHHOOOOOMMMMMUUUUUMMMMMMM!”

 Schrodinger: Hang on, HANG ON! Hoomum, you promised I was having a SPA day. This does not look like a spa. In fact, it looks rather a lot like The Place That Shall Not Be Named. Hoomum, you tricked me!!

Hooman: Well cat, to be fair, they’ll stroke you, help you relax and then stick things up your bum, so it’s an awful lot like a spa…..

Schrodinger: HOOMUM!!!!!! Don’t leave me here!! Hoomum come back AT ONCE!

Tonight’s ’Song of the People’:

“All alone am I! Ever since your goodbye! All alone with just the beat of my heart! People all around but I don’t hear a sound, just the lonely beating of my heart….”

FROM THE BACK NOW, JOIN IN ANGUS!
“ALLLLLLL AAALLLLLOOOOONNNNEEEE AM IIIIIIIII……”

All ALOOOOONNNNNEEEEE am IIIIIIIIII…….ever since YOOOOUUUURRRRR goodbye……all AAALLLLOOOOOONNNNNEEEEE with just the beat of MMMMMYYYYYY heart…….

From the back, sing it louder now!!!

People AAAAALLLLLL around but I can’t HHHEEEAAAARRRRR a sound…..

Oh. Good morning Tormentor. I see you have returned. I did a bit of rearranging while you were away, I thought THE CAGE just needed that special something…

This is an OUTRAGE! How very DARE you put me behind bars Hoomama! The bathroom was bad enough but THIS?

First, I shall try to escape.

Next, I shall sit in my cat-o-let.

That’ll show you.