Following last night’s shenanigans, shredding two toilet rolls, Singing The Song Of The People, followed by pushing bottles off a nearly six foot high windowsill, tonight I expect genuine tantrums…..

 Schrodinger: ‘MUM!! HOOMUM!!! WHY AM I IN DA BATHROOM?? HOOMAMA!! DID YOU FORGET ME? WITHOUT EVEN A SOFT BED TO REST MY WEARY BONES?! HOOOOOOMMAAAAMMMMMAAAAA!!!!!”

Human: You’re in there cat, because you’ve been peeing on floors for six months. SIX MONTHS. You’ve been to the vet four times, had three different types of medication, have access to three litter trays and the great outdoors, plus toys, beds, cat trees, catnip and plenty of cuddles and you STILL pee on the floor. The vet can’t find anything wrong with you and calls it “behavioural” which is code for being a little sh1t. Therefore, you will spend a night in the bathroom with nothing soft to pee on and just a litter tray and you can howl until your furry throat is hoarse.

Schrodinger: HOOOOOMMMMMUUUUUMMMMMMM it’s not FFFAAAAIIIIRRRR.

Human: it’s plenty fair, sleep well furbaby…or not. Your choice.