Schrodinger: Dear Diary, Hoomama has been unreasonable again. As soon as the hoochild started to yawn, she shoved ME behind bars – whatever did I do to merit this?

Hoomun: Do we need to go through this again cat?

Cat loftily ignores Hoomun and continues to write.

Schrodinger: So I showed Hoomum what a good cat I am, and with only a minor look of abject suffering, sat down in my litter tray to wait.

Hoomun: Really cat? Not the soft cushion immediately beside it?

Schrodinger: I am MAKING a POINT.

Hoomum: ok cat, you do you.

Schrodinger: Eventually, hoochild and hoomum went to bed and the house fell into darkness.

I watched the clock carefully and waited to put my plan into motion…

2357…
2358….
2359…..

Nearly time! I lashed my tail in excitement….

0000!

MMMMEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWW!!

I began to sing. The Song of the People is such a vibrant piece, rich in longing and emotion. I sang and I sang and I sang.

Just occasionally, I paused to listen and check….0031….I hear a rustle and a moan….excellent! I am having an effect! I redouble my efforts until I hear Hoomum speaking to hoochild:

Hoomun: baby, do you need the toilet?

A quietly weepy voice comes out of the darkness…

Hoochild: Yes. Very wet!

I hear Hoomum sigh so I return to my song as they both crawl out of bed, lights go on and the routine begins: hoochild is divested of pjs and put into the water box, sleepily Hoomun strips his bed but then, just as I am reaching an emotive crescendo…..

Schrodinger: Hey! Watch where you’re throwing that pile of wet cloth hoomum! It nearly landed on top of my head!

Hoomun: Oops.

Schrodinger: Oops? OOOPS?! Don’t you know I’m in an agony of torture down here hoomum?!

Hoomum remakes hoochild’s bed, washes and dries him before settling him back into bed. Then she stumbles downstairs, throws the laundry into the washer and dares (DARES!) to walk past me without acknowledgment!
Well! I ask you….!!

I redouble my song and finally pushed past her endurance, Hoomum opens the door of the cage, removes me none too gently and, (would you believe this?!) shoves me outside into the frosty night! How unbelievably rude!!

Well of course I immediately jump onto the garage roof and start howling outside the landing window, knowing she’ll give in.

I’m right, after just a few moments and with a quiet burst of words I know she shouldn’t say….the window opens and I jump through it.

Schrodinger: Well finally Hoomum! What took you so long?! I’ll be over here on my big bed, I’ll allow you to join me if you really wish too….

Schrodinger: Dear Diary, Hoomama had a completely and totally unreasonable over reaction last night…

Hoomun: It was NOT unreasonable cat!

Schrodinger: …A COMPLETELY unreasonable over reaction. I mean, it was ONLY a couple of drops in my favourite corner, seriously, she couldn’t even smell it and I felt so much better afterwards.

Hoomun: Cat, you were PADDLING in it and it was in my bedroom.

Schrodinger: I was just cleaning up after myself, you should be proud of my fastidiousness.

Hoomun: (Sarcastically) Oh yes cat, very proud.

Schrodinger: See? I’m glad we had this little chat, cleared the air and now you know what I was doing. But it was STILL a totally unreasonable over reaction to SHOVE me into The Cage after such a small amount.

Hoomun: Cat, you were in the boy’s room casing the curtains.

Schrodinger: Well you didn’t like me leaving those few drops in your room so I had to find somewhere comfortable…and I do like curtains.

Hoomun: Don’t I know it.

Schrodinger: Anyway, if you’re going to shove me behind bars, then I will make my remarks freely as I reflect on the situation. Here hoomum, I sing for you, it’s a composition of my own called, Song Of The People and it goes like this.…

MMMMMEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWW……MEOW…..MMMEEEEOOOOWWWWW……

it’s quite long you’ll find, but rich in my own culture and diversity. So many dramatic and high pitched notes.

Hoomun: Yes, I noticed those in particular.

Schrodinger: You see hoomum, if you’re going to be so unreasonable, then I will sing for you. And sing, and sing, and sing…. Besides, consider it to be musical accompaniment, you were already up and changing the hoochild’s bed after all.

Hoomun: Yes, exactly cat. It was 3am and I was changing the boy’s bed, showering him clean, finding him new pjs and putting his bedding in the laundry. I did NOT need you contributing to the situation!

Schrodinger: I think you’ll find hoomum, that when I do not approve of an unjust situation, I can be quite stubborn….and musical.

Hoomun: Yes cat, I noticed that.

Eventually even the boy came into my room with his hands over his ears moaning, “Noisy! Too noisy! CCCAAAATTTT!!!!!”

Schrodinger: Ah. I succeed. Now let me out. Hoomum? Hoomum? HHHOOOOMMMUUUUMMMMM!!!!

The cat’s howls fade into the distance as hoomun puts a pillow over her head. Fade to black.

Sssshhhhhh! Don’t tell anyone! 

Mum found me nursing on her duvet, purring loudly to myself and she didn’t have the heart to transfer me to *that place* so I’m trying to pretend I’m invisible and that I don’t really exist at all….

of course there is absolutely no irony in this….

Hoomum, I would like to point out that dropping dreamies into The Cage does NOT count as being nice to me! 

The curtains are calling!

Schrodinger: I have FINALLY been released from my wholly UNJUST captivity…..so I’ve decided to spent the morning asleep in a box.

There is no inconsistency here, I assure you!

This is a box of MY choosing.

So there.