WELL I wud like to express my STRONGEST indignifications against de person I used to refer to as Hoomama. Dis morning, she inflicted de most UNJUSTIFIED treatment on my innocent self! I was just mindifying my own business when she LAUNCHED herself at me, grabbed me, turnified me UPSIDE DOWN and applied her terrible wetwetz to my DownBelowFloofs!
WELL! I askify you if ever any innocent cat has ever been treated so APPALLINGLY by dere HooServant before, in de whole history of cat?!

The mere tiniest, insignificant detail that I might have exited the litter tray, at speed, mere seconds before I had finishified my business and was therefore trailifying brown liquid splishifications across her floor, on her stair carpet and was determinedly heading for her bed was ENTIRELY IRRELEVANT. I was plannifying to have a bath….on her pillow in fact.

So when she GRABBED me, turned me UPSIDE DOWN and applied her terrible wetwetz to me, was horrifying! Needless to say, I strugglified. I meowlified. I applied Murder Mittens at speed. I screechified. I did everything I could to force her to LET ME GO – but she hung on! She hung onto whichever furry limb she could grasp and KEPT RUBBING!

We will not discussify how many of her dastardly wetwetz she went through before she was content to let me go, but I shall NOT FORGETIFY DIS! Fellow Catzez, I require de services of a Cattorney At Law most urgently! I shall claim Damages! Catpensation! I SHALL SEEIFY HER IN COURT!!!!!

*Maybe

Indignifiedly Yours
Schrodinger