Dear Readers,

Today I, Angus, am temporarily borrowing my brother’s blog because I have a pressing problem that I would be immensely grateful for your insight into.

The problem is that of The Takeaway.

You see, hoomama relatively often goes to another place, collects some freshly prepared food, and then brings it home to our place where she sits in the lounge, usually while watching her light box, to eat her food.

This seems relatively reasonable to me, after all, it’s good to spend the day wandering through one’s territory before returning home for food, shelter and rest.

I do not complain at her bringing her food into my house, indeed, I often invite her to share it with me because it generally smells quite tasty. Furthermore, this food often includes animals that hoomama has presumably hunted during the course of her day, and can include birds (chicken) and animals found in fields (lamb) or in water (fish). All of these have sacrificed their humble lives to contribute to hoomama’s sustenance.

As a cat, I see no problem with this. I too am a carnivore.

The problem comes with the inconsistency in hoomama’s approach. Because while she is apparently allowed to bring a takeaway into our home, it appears that I am not.

Indeed, when I succeed in hunting for birds or mouses and attempt to bring these takeaways back and into our house, hoomama does a great deal of shrieking, chases me around the house and (with much utterly unreasonable shuddering) deposits my takeaway back outside.

She then calls me the most awful names such as, “Disgusting Cat!” or shouts, “Cat, you do not pay enough rent for this malarkey!” (Note, she does not use the word malarkey, I edit for the sake of readers with gentle ears) Sometimes she even shrieks, while chasing me, “CAT DON’T YOU DARE TAKE THAT INTO MY BEDROOM!!!!!” or “CAT QUIT MURDERING THE NEIGHBOURS!!!!!”

Honestly, I’m sure the next step would be taking out her broom and sweeping me out of the house! It is utterly confusing, and quite unreasonable behaviour – not to mention noisy!

So, my brother’s readers, please would you help me understand: what is the difference between my takeaway and hoomama’s takeaway? I truly see no difference so would be grateful for any assistance you may be able to offer.

Many thanks

Angus