Well….Well….WELL!!!  Just when I thought Hoomun couldn’t POSSIBLY sink any lower in her treatment of us, she’s managed it!  She really has!  It is utterly extraordinary and so totally far beyond anything that could be considered acceptable that she’s REALLY gone and done it now.

Schrodinger is so angry, he’s spitting feathers.  Although, to be fair, the feathers may not be so much an expression of his rage as they are of the sparrow next door who no longer requires them.  There is surely no connection between these two facts and he simply happened upon them in the course of his daily travels….we’ll leave that one there shall we?

ANYWAY!  He interjects, quivering in rage.  This time, THIS TIME, hoomum put a HANGCAT’S NOOSE around our necks, then she PADLOCKED it!  Not content with such torture, then she made it beep!  And flash lights!  Gentle readers, this is simply not to be born!  No self-respecting cat could POSSIBLY be expected to live with a NOOSE around his NECK!

Here, as ever, Hoomum calmly interjects.  “Cat, I think you’ll find it’s a collar with an easy snap fastening in case you get stuck anywhere and a GPS tracker attached to it so I can see where you go and who you harass.”

Harass?!  HARASS?!  I am simply and peacefully passing my days in quiet, self respecting pursuits of catting as any good cat should.  I harass no one!  And where I go is nobody’s business but my own!

“Hmmmm….except for the birds cat,” Hoomum says, sipping her brown waking up water.  “And the mice. And the butterflies…”

Schrodinger sniffs in disgust.  Those are different and ENTIRELY within the normal range of catting pursuits.  We are however getting off topic, I am here to write about the NOOSE!  

“Mmmmm,” Hoomum replies.  “Ok cat, go ahead.  My deepest apologies for the interruption in your outrage.”

I should THINK SO!  Schrodinger’s tail lashes.  

So, this THING that has the weight of a THOUSAND SUNS has been PADLOCKED around my neck AND IT’S GOT A BELL ON IT!!!!  I cannot get it off!  I’ve tried, oh I’ve tried.  I snapped and I snarled and I beat it into submission with my murder mittens but, however hard I tried, it would not release its DEATH GRIP.

“You mean you looked confused, wiped your face, walked backwards and then did a somersault cat?”  Hoomum smiles.  “It really was quite funny, here see – I’ve even got most of it on video. I’ll play it shall I?”

You DARE!!!  That video should never have been made and even if it was, it is PRIVATE hoomum!!

“Mmmmhmmm, yes ok cat.  But only because you look faintly ridiculous.”

I DID NOT LOOK RIDICULOUS, Schrodinger hisses!  I was doing BATTLE with a VALIANT FOE!

“Mmmhmmm.  Ok cat, if you insist.”

Hoomum plays the video as the cat stalks off in outrage, trying to figure out how to get rid of his new GPS tracking cat collar…