Well! Just when I thought life was improving, Hoomum goes and does it again!

Schrodinger’s feather quill pen moves furiously across the page. (Readers, we won’t ask where the feather came from, it’s probably best not to know while also being clear that it’s original owner no longer had need of it)

Three whole days out of captivity, three whole days! I was sure Hoomum had finally come around and realised how unfair she was being…..also she got wise to my tricks and replaced the long curtains with short ones that I couldn’t reach however hard I tried. (Sigh)

Unfortunately though, this morning I was sweetly begging for cheese and I was much too tired to balance on my own paws so I gently leaned on her leg…..

“Cat, you did not!” Hoomun interjects. “You sank your murder mittens into the skin of my thigh and hung on, yelling…..”

Details, details! Schrodinger dismisses her comment and continues. Anyway, she let me finish my cheese, then she scooped me up (for a well deserved cuddle surely…..) and muttered about it being manipedi time. I had no idea what that meant but I was suspicious so I started to squirm with a low growl in my throat.

Then, would you believe it?! Hoomum grabbed my paws, forced me to show my claws and RIPPED them out!!!

“I did not you horrible cat! I was very gentle and used special clippers! It didn’t hurt a bit!”

It hurt my PRIDE! I’ve been sharpening my murder mittens for months now….
“Don’t I know it.” Hoomun sighs. “As does the furniture.”

And THEN once she’d RIPPED MY CLAWS OUT….she ABANDONED me!

“Cat, it’s two nights and you have a cat sitter three times a day plus other friends popping in and out. You’ll be fine.”

I am NOT fine! I have been ABANDONED!

“Hmmm that’s why you hissed at the cat sitter is it?”

Harrumph. I was pointing out that I did not approve of her presence….

“Yeah until she brought the toys out, right cat?”

I shall not dignify this with a response.

Schrodinger flounces off camera and disconnects the video call.