Schrodinger: Well, I am delighted to know how many fans I have, based on the number of hoomuns asking after my welfare. Yes, I can assure my supporters that I am still alive, despite being dreadfully mistreated. Hoomama continues to be wholly unreasonable and confines me to The Cage each and every night. It really is an outrage.

A week or so ago, I decided my best next move would be to stage a hunger strike as a way of expressing my distress. So I dramatically….

Hoomum: Melodramatrically you mean…..

Schrodinger: DO you MIND?

Hoomum: Just keeping in real cat, just keeping it real.

Schrodinger: Harrumph. Anyway, I decided the best thing to do would be to stage a hunger strike. So I did my usual singing in the morning as I wound around hoomums paws to make sure she knew just how VERY hungry I was.

She duly served up a cat bowl of really very temping meat victuals (and it is so very yummy as it’s proper meat, none of this puréed stuff some less worthy cats are forced to consume).

I looked at it.
I stuck my nose in it.
I poked it a bit with my paw.
Then I ignored it.

In fact, I sat beside said bowl, despite the smell overwhelming me with it’s yumminess, and I shot hoomama truly vicious looks to show her how maltreated I was.

Of course, hoomama being the soft touch she was, started to become concerned about me, so she attempted to tempt me with treats of real cheese and little pieces of ham. Well, of course I did my best standing on my hind paws, reaching up with my front paws and grabbing the treats, just to show her that these were in fact worthy of my exalted status. I even taught my brother how to do this trick…

Hoomum: Begging you mean. You taught him how to beg.

Schrodinger: I was NOT begging! How dare you suggest I would stoop to such a lowly act?! I was showing you what a special kitty I am because only the best kitties stand on their hind paws and catch the treat in their closed mittens.

Hoomum: Mmmmm I can think of a few dogs who do that….

Schrodinger: HOOMAMA! How DARE you compare me to such an inferior beast as a DOG????

Hoomum: Just sayin’

Schrodinger: Anyway, I took just enough to stave off the hunger pangs and left just enough to make sure hoomama was getting concerned about my welfare. She started wondering if I was sick…until she remembered that I was still eagerly eating treats. By the time she started muttering about The Place That Shall Not Be Named, I knew the game was up. So I looked at her imploringly and this time, I really won – would you believe she retired my boring white cat bowl and actually put my breakfast on one of her OWN teal plates?

Hoomum: I thought the contrast in colour might help you find it you daft cat.

Schrodinger: ANYWAY, having finally demonstrated that I require a certain level of service in my victuals, I fell onto my breakfast and devoured the lot. I heard Hoomama humphing in the background but I was too busy daintily nibbling to pay attention.

Hoomama: Daintily nibbling? More like elbows up, nose down into the trough cat…..

Cat loftily ignores her….