Schrodinger: (Twirling his feather quill pen as he thinks…)

Today, I write to those who sit with me in solidarity (aka my fans) from the depths of a British winter…

Hoomum: Sigh….Cat, there’s a few flakes out there, it’s hardly arctic.

Schrodinger: Would you quit interrupting me hoomum? I’m trying to write here! AS I was saying, I write to you from the depths of a British winter to update you on my captive status.

Last night, hoomum shoved me harshly into The Cage,

Hoomum: I did NOT!

Schrodinger: …over my objections. Just because I’d been sniffing behind furniture again is wholly irrelevant. I was just interested. Of course, I then sang The Song of the People for a good hour while my brother reliably informs me that hoomum held a pillow over her head. Apparently she very most definitely was not tickling his tummy, because he would have told me if she was.

Of course, I crossed my paws and determinedly held it in all night, because as I have said before, I am NOT using that tray. Finally, by 4am, I could no longer hold it and so began to sing The Song of the People as loudly as I could. Finally, mostly because he was being woken up by the sounds of my abject peril, my loyal and faithful brother got into the act. First he stood on hoomum’s head, then he started head butting her and finally, in a crowning effort, he knocked her glass of water off the side table and onto the floor. Thatta boy! Well done bro!

With a loud exclamation of annoyance, hoomum got up to clear up the water and so I redoubled my efforts from downstairs, moving into my operatic range for maximum effect. Thankfully, she stumbled downstairs, removed me from captivity and…..shoved me outside….into the snow.

I was NOT impressed. How very dare she?????

Needless to say, I rolled around in the snow for maximum wetness clinging to my floof and then I climbed right back in through the upstairs window and realising she had made a vain effort to return to her bed, I sat on her chest, lovingly rubbing my back against her face.

I can’t think why she wasn’t delighted with my efforts????